i thought id try a live one...

awkward rapping into my laptop haha

again really?

im here almost done with my second year of college
but i feel as though i dont have much academic knowledge
just a wacked out brain and a cracked out heart
put this way, by this girl, rippin it apart.
third blog today once again i start
i cant stop feelin these feelins in me
and i cant stop thinkin these thoughts you see
shes always on my mind and i never forget her
i need to physically force myself to try and neglect her
but i cant i always fail,
her eyes in my mind set sail
but shes taken, my feelings for her are not fakin
but hers for me im still yet to see
she tells me that she really cares for me
but if you cared for me would you be so recklessly
handlin my feelins and yours
spill from the ducts in my eyes and my pores
when were together i feel it oh so strong
but when shes with him i couldnt feel more wrong
if she had to make a choice no doubt itd be him
but i just want to feel like she cares a little bit
i keept puttin myself into this position for pain
if heartbreaks were money shed always make it rain
what am i to you?
answer me:
what am i to you?
am i another dude to talk to when your relationship is rocky?
some rebound guy on the side the substitute jockey?
you drop me when he comes around and treats you right?
forget about me, after you went over there to spend the night?
maybe yes
maybe no
but i hope that im more
we made the agreement to always be friends
and if its cause of this that that relationship ends
then im hella disappointed, youre not what i thought
you were but i think youre better,
a standard setter
you broke all the rules for girls i thought there were
and youre the only one who ive never tried to kiss her

the good

theres a girl who brightens my day when i see her
the cutest little beaver i just wish you could meet her
shes got big buck teeth but i kinda likem
shoulders uneven but i kinda likem
one foots way bigger than the other,
but if i had the chance i wouldnt change em for another
cause they make her special and shes hella unique
she likes to criticize herself a bad critique
but i think shes perfect when it comes to her physique
if only i could tell her what i want to say
but wait, its 10 am and she just left ucla

the bad

i dont get it
i wish i could quit it
wish i could move on and just forget it
see its, 90% me and 10% her
gives me some hope and then i infer
that there are things happening that really arent
makes me feel good then tears me apart
and it kills me now cause i dont have anything else to miss
and it kills me now cause i let myself get like this

over it

hold up i think i had an epiphany
i need to make a change and i am the remedy
if i really am as strong as i tend to think i am
then it shouldnt be too hard gettin my mind out of this jam
see, she dont control me she dont know me
she definitely dont see what she needs to see
see i know it sucks for the bf
but eff him i dont care about him
its her i worry about
originally i didnt plan on lettin all of this out
but recently i decided to fuck it, besides
shell prolly never see my blog so chuck it
tell me: what are the last three nice things hes done for you?
or two?
or one for that matter
now how much do u put out? for how much you get back?
you wanna flip it on me put me under attack? fine.
ive done more for you in a couple days than hes done in a while
and if youd allow me to you know id take you out in style
disneyland, avenue q, even just the movies
and i promise i wont even try to feel on your boobies
i dont want you stay in a relationship cause its comfy
youre not a passenger just along for the ride
so slide over a little
please dont settle
even if you cant see it i know wed be good for one another
even ask your brother
or your other brother, cause you got like 9
fine
dont
choose to ignore it
im done playin these games im so bored of it
but when the day comes when youre finally by yourself
after a string of guys had you and left you on the shelf
dont go asking why you can never find nice guys
cause im here... looking you right in between the eyes

these 3 dudes

mister lin, manuel miranda
spits flows scarier than an anaconda
travic mccoy's verses hit harder
boy the worst is yet to come
cause mad lyrics are the specialty
of mr brandon boyd especially
and when it comes to what i wanna do
these dudes inspire me
on fire their
rhymes always seem to be
watch me imitate but never duplicate
cause theyre one of kind
i just wanna find
where i fall in the middle
mix it up a little
miranda mccoy dont forget mr boyd
keep windin it up like my favorite toy

hold up

its about 345 in the mornin
bout the same that i be formin
rad thoughts in my head
as i sit in my bed
reminisce about what happened yesterday
slash today
see i had ip practice for about 4 hours
but i made up for it with molca salsa heavy on the sours
cream, did i mean to throw in such a random rhyme
speakin of which my ading got ahold of me 1 o clock was the time
sayin "kuya, im bored"
oh my lord
thirty minutes later i was knockin on her door
we watched seven pounds the title was deceivin'
but overall the concept was quite relievin
i liked it, not loved it
wouldnt put dragon ball above it
but im gonna knock out
HOLD UP
wait a minute, i feel the need to spit on what happened on wednesday
forgive may
but forreal it was quite crazay
showed up at knotts to be processed for caricatures
but they sent me packin cause of the picture
i presented with myself, see my hair was too long
go home son cut it come back cause youre wrong
i guess thats the end of my jedi tails tale
but immah bounce back and you bet i never fail
give me time cause the man cant hold me back for long
maybe next blog ill even hit you with a song?

a little lonely

this flows gonna be a little different you see
youll see a part of me that was never meant to be
see, theres a girl who took over my world
my thoughts unfurled my happiness twirled
i whirled and whirled till i almost hurled
and i did
i threw up, i threw everything up
my hopes my dreams my loves my schemes
so clear for her to see, so she could see the real me
and i prayed that one day we could be
but its just not to be apparently.
see she has a boyfriend and thats the problem
shes in love with him and im not trying to stop them
no matter how much i like her or how much she likes me
we could never be
im not a homewrecker, or a girlfriend stealer,
but id give my whole world just to feel her
not her perfect legs her sweet face her booty just her
brain, its my favorite part of her, you see,
she could never cheat on him with me
not in any possible way physically
i wouldnt let it, im not like that
but thats not whats important to me
whats important to me is that shes happy
its too bad she cant be happy with me
call it bad timing but i know thats not the truth
the reason i hurt so much is cause i let myself continue,
continue texting all day talking all night
things that arent right for a man in my situation
but i continued.
cause it made me feel things i havent felt in a very long time
my flow probably doesnt rhyme but thats fine
i continued knowing im walking a tightrope thats already been cut
and i can never make it to her on the other side.
but i didnt care, ive experienced reality and life hits you hard,
but ill take this one, ill take this hit straight to the heart,
its what i deserve for allowing myself nay, deceiving myself,
into thinking one day it could be.
so i sit, hella depressed, and hella impressed,
at how stupid i could be
i wish that she never sees what shes done to me
but now i need to rebuild whats left of me,
pieces of a guy who used to have it all figured out.
now im just as bad as the rest of them.
sitting in the corner at formal
watching them kiss and hug and grind and find in eachother
what ive been missing and long for
am i so wrong for pursuing it?
am i so wrong for doing it?
it hurt but at least i felt something.
its hard to admit this part to myself
but i finally understood why some people cut themself
now i didnt do it, but i honestly felt like it,
and i hate myself more for even thinking of it
cause i know im above it.
but sometimes you feel like you want your outside to hurt like the in so they match
cause youre mad at yourself so you should be punished.
so now, ill probably wake up and text her good morning
and the cycle starts again, me fooling myself praying theyll have a fight
how sick is that?
how totally fucked up is that?
thats no way to live, i need to make a change but its not happening.
fuck man... this got too real,
need to bring it back to how i feel
it should be about me
or maybe society
not my sad life
and how i want it to be...
my name is paul, and i know you dont know me
im your average guy
but my lifes a little lonely

pcn is done

p pullin all nighters just to get it just right

c seein so many smiles smiling opening night
n and noone can ever take it away not a chance
pcn be finished with the skit and the dance
i got to admit it feels it feels pretty nice to remove this boulder
been weighin me down for two months on my shoulders
but i, got to admit that i kinda miss it
i miss the late nights, the fake fights, the insights,
the good friends, bahag men and sad ends,
but at least we got alot to look for,
ward to in the next year
i hope its up to me
i wanna be the big man i got big dreams theyre in me
so well see in a couple a weeks
in the mean time i remain a geek
gonna buy some music gonna ride a bike
gonna take time to myself and and reflect
on the girl who id never ask to defect

finish line

its, 2:10 am and im finally chillin
finally my thoughts onto my blog i be spillin
its a been a hella hectic week
and my body kinda reeks
cause ive been too busy to even have a good shower
cause my days are dedicated to building up pcn power
show up 8am 8am 10am
leave 12am 12am 1am
and i can hardly stand it
i cant hardly stand
but im glad that we did it
we pulled through in the long run
we ran run throughs even though they ran long
i rapped songs all day long
my verbs be too strong
to be held down by my nerves
im nervous and it serves to show
that even though i do it all day and night
i gotta have that swag to do it just right
ride a wave of confidence through the finish line
dance my way on ip center back line
im lovin it, its hard and im lovin it
one day ill make my own choreo and ill be shovin it
down all of yalls throats
so deep you choke
but youll like it
cause it goes down so sweet
i can move my huge feet
when i want to,
so ill do it cause i want to

my huge feet are carrying me to the finish line

2:10

i sit in sammies sippin sapporo all alone
i remember how this weekend began
and wonder how it ends
its thursday, we were chillin at brents place
for a couple of minutes then we headed to rjs
it was nice i avoided the drama
i didnt mean to crash, cause i didnt really wanna
I dodged a ticket on my ride then i
i hopped inside and i tried
but i couldnt wake up again till about 2:10
now its friday and im out again
at a friends bday i cant remember when
but i drove 4 drunkasses home at about 2:10
then i scored a ride back from eileen
kinda late and sobriety was nowhere to be seen
i ended up at sammies knocked out and then
i woke up today at about 2:10
chilled with the parents, cuts my dogs hair
chilled with ip and now im back here
sittin at sammies sippin sapporo all alone
i hope selynas parents enjoy our very clean home

bad day good day

woke up this morning and i felt like shit
wanted to sit it out lay in bed just quit it

my day would never suck if i never do begin it

didnt want to be in it, i didnt want a part
but my alarm went off jho got up and i had to start
dropped my car off to avoid the street cleaning
didnt have a pass so id walk till my feets bleeding
skated too far to keep my head on straight
got to class at 830 but i managed to be late
but then i, scored 100 on a classwide eval
then all, i did was take a mid term test
props to strawberry cause that girls the best
c c b b a d and the rest
rolled over to my boss and got the best news all day
he made me co owner of the mag now i got an equal say
got to spend time with the girl im really feelin
but shes already taken and im not about to be stealin
seeing her reminds me of good times and i dont know how
i never wanted a girl like i want this girl now
so in the end i suppose i never know how itll go
but if i never did try then i never would know

"Busy"

I didn't sit on my ass today
I did my best but i couldn't find the time to say
"relax man, stop moving, take a break, just chill"
but i'm addicted to activity and I can't get off the pill
I woke up today two hours away
giving me just enough time to get back and pay
one of my 4 parking tickets
its so sad it sickens
me at the thought of how fast my life has come to be
day to day goes by at a rate that i can't even keep up with me
i've got practice, rehearsal, rehearsal and more practice
i tend to miss work and now its work i miss
not to mention my treasurerly duties
do these sports trophies ease my rough seas?
hardly, but its time that i step up my game
a couple weeks left till my la mirada claim to fame
i still got lines to learn like lies
and choreo to memorize
so ill take it day by day off
cause in the end itll pay off